Ode to the Two and Three Wheeled Vehicles of India

The Indian roads are a grand organic mess. It's a combination of massive container trucks hurtling madly, and cars or other 4 wheeled vehicles trying not to get in the way of massive container trucks hurtling madly. And then you have everything in between - filling in the gaps between truck-car-truck.

These would be the aforementioned two or three wheeled vehicles of the Indian roads. They are a completely different species of passenger and load carrying vehicle. They are not bound by the same rules of the road, or in fact, the same laws of physics that govern the other road dwellers. They usually run parallel to traffic, though not necessarily in the same direction, sometimes oblique, and for the real baller uncles even transverse at times.

The Tuktuk

It's actually called an auto-rickshaw. But we, denizens of South East Asia, refuse to call it by anything than Tuktuk. Because Tuktuk. What language is that even? The local guns-for-hire, true to their trade and driving shenanigans (though perhaps not actual prowess), will often waylay tourists with exclamations of "Indian Ferrari!" Ferrari Sir? Please step in.

Tuk-Lorry

No, it's not actually called a Tuk-Lorry but we're sticking with that. This thing puffs along the road with the same overworked underpowered 2 stroke engine as dose the Tuktuk but with a lorry bay. The above specimen was carrying a big block of ice that the driver would hand chisel into smaller portions to handout to little drink carts or restaurants. He used an ice stake that looked like it could have been doing double duty in Transylvania vanquishing vampires. Hidden moral of the story - don't buy any iced drinks from drink carts.

Scooter

Scooters are ferocious creatures that can out tuk a Tuktuk. They make a bleAAAAHHHH as they go by and thread through traffic like it wasn't there. Think the JB riders in Singapore are fearless? These guys have skills to beat them. They are often seen with a lady in a sari riding pillion sideways. By some strange loophole in the law, the riders are almost always helmeted but not the pillion. By helmet, I mean that they have some kind of hard-ish thing that sit on their head. It's interpreted in the same spirit, and safety standards may differ. I'm pretty sure you could have gotten away with a collander tied on with pink raffia string.

The Bicycle

Well...it's a bicycle. You remember the old uncles always sedately cycling against traffic? Well these are for the old Indian uncles always... you get the point. This is a choice specimen of an Indian bicycle casually lounging beside a heap of rubbish.

The Royal Enfield

For the hipster scooter dude. I've always loved these amazing bikes. You can't mistake the exhaust note coming in from a distance. The low dub-dub-dub throb, a bit like a budget Harley. It comes in a few variants including the Bullet and the Thunderbird and ranges from 350cc to 500cc. These single cylinders wonders started production as a British import way back right after WW2 (the Bullet apparently is the longest running motorcycle design...ever). Along the way, the motorcycle world took off with US V-twins and high revving Japanese Superbikes, but the Royal Enfields remained...the same. The original British company folded so the Indian make took over the brand. They look like old WW2 era military bikes because...they are. The brown colour scheme is called Desert Storm if I'm not wrong. I would verify that but the 4G/WiFi connection speed is really shitty so you'll just have to trust me. Many ❤s for the Royal Enfield.